A Text Conversation With My Mom and Sister. Lord Help Me.

This week started my half marathon training. After finishing my first run I texted my mom and sister to tell them that run #1 was in the books.




Now, you have to understand that my sister is outrageous, witty and has been known to be slightly inappropriate at times.

My mom is all around wonderful and does an excellent job of tolerating our antics.

Here's a little peak into my life. It's amazing I've survived this long.

The conversation went something like this:

Me: Day 1 of half marathon training - check!

Mom: Good for you, sweetie!

Marissa: Beast.

Me: My legs hurt now.

Marissa: Be honest. You are really training for The Hunger Games.

Me: I've got to be ready just in case.

Marissa: I'm working on my archery skills.

Me: I'm gonna work on that this summer at camp.

Mom: You two are scaring me!

Marissa: Don't worry mom, we would both be dead within minutes. We would be Hunger Games failures. Epic failures.

Me: Speak for yourself.

Mom: That is supposed to comfort me?!

Me: I have a shot at surviving. No promises though...I'm not very good at picking safe berries.

Marissa: Yeah, you'd be screwed. You'd get bitten by an ant (note: I'm allergic), go into anaphylactic shock and be done by dark. I'd be underestimated and use my brain and geniusness to outwit everyone. Plus, you are a weenie, you get that from mom, and could never hunt animals and people.

Mom: Hello! I'm still here.

Marissa: Oh sorry. You'd be screwed in The Hunger Games too mom.

Mom: I think I'll take that as a compliment.

Marissa: So would Dad. I saw how far he jumped when he saw that snake.

Me: Don't underestimate Dad! He's a smart cookie.

Marissa: Let's face it, he doesn't watch enough Bear Grylls, he'd be screwed too.

Me: He can totally outrun a fire or a tidal wave.

Marissa: Let's just all be happy that we don't live in District 12. Or post-apocalyptic USA.

My poor parents. I don't know how they've put up with the two of us for all these years. Although I'm sure the martinis have something to do with it.

A Bit of March Snow.

A few days ago it was in the 50's. Beautiful, no jackets, and the snow was melting. It was so nice that I considered going for an outdoor run with The Maple Bean Sprout (that's her full name, in case you were wondering) and forgoing the old treadmill.

 I really thought Spring was finally here. I really did.

And then this tonight. It's not much, but it's not nothin' either. Freezing rain is forecasted for the rest of the night so I would like to take this opportunity to ask you all to pray for a snow day tomorrow.

I know I just got back from vacation and everything, but I could sure use a day off tomorrow. Day light savings time and I are locked in a head to head battle...and I am currently losing. Losing bad.

Snow day! Snow day! Snow day!

If anyone knows a snow dance, please feel free to bust a move.

March Break: Montreal

Class, today we're going to begin with another lesson in pronunciation. Say the word Monday. Did you pronounce the o like a u - Munday? Yes, you did. Montreal is the same. Monday. Montreal. Get it? 

We arrived in Montreal last week after leaving Old Quebec in the morning. It was a quick three hour drive. We stayed at the Fairmont Queen Elizabeth, right down town. They were also kind enough to celebrate our month-early-anniversary with a lovely piece of chocolate-mousse-cake-slice-of-heaven. I love these people.

We hit the streets and headed down St. Catherine Street, which would be the equivalent of Michigan Avenue in Chicago - fabulous shopping of NORMAL stores. We even hit up Ogilvy's, which is like a Nordstrom or Saks. Hallelujiah! My faith is restored in Canadians. 

I'm not sure what I was expecting, but Montreal is bigger than I thought. Wikipedia kindly told me the city has about 4 million people and is the second largest city in Canada, right after Toronto. Clearly, not all of those 4 million peeps are law-abiding citizens. At least this homeless guy has no shame and isn't scared to admit his addictions. 

Hmmm, this is a family friendly blog so I probably shouldn't be showing pictures of what is apparently Canada's greatest strip club. I don't know why I took a photo or why I thought you would want to see it. Please understand, Montreal is a great city. It's clean and beautiful and the residents actually live in the city and it has a great night life. Don't let my photos of strip clubs and homeless pot smokers sway your opinion...

Moving on...

The next morning TC and I decided that it was imperative we go to the most renowned bagel place in Montreal. After all, Montreal is known for three foods: poutine, smoked meat and bagels.

We bought day passes for the Metro and hopped aboard to set out on what we thought would be an easy trip for breakfast.

We walked. 

And we walked.

We saw residential Montreal.

We saw bikes buried in snow.

And we walked some more.

No bagels. 

We were lost. Walking in the wrong direction.

An hour later, TC was none too impressed. He does deserve a pat on the back for having such a good attitude though. Even if it was hidden sometimes.

Out of desperation for coffee, we aborted our mission and headed back to the Metro in search of lunch.

 Then we got a little lost again. Luckily, we stumbled upon a cool little coffee shop that was covered in chalkboard paint. They didn't give me coffee in a bowl, but at that point I wasn't about to complain.

Eventually, we made our way to the most famous smoked meat restaurant in the world. Schwartz's.

Did you know smoked meat was famous? I didn't. I didn't even know what smoked meat was. Let alone that it was good enough to wait in line for 45 minutes to ensure the "Schwartz experience."

Let me tell you, it was worth the wait. It's diner style, but the manager stands at the door to manage the line. When seats open, he yells for the correct amount of people and squeezes you in. TC and I enjoyed our lunch while sharing a table with four complete strangers. 

I'm pretty sure there is only three things on the menu: fries (which they cut and cook themselves), pickles, and a smoked meat sandwich. Your sandwich can be large or small and you also have the choice or lean, medium or fatty. We went with small and medium, extra mustard. Definitely the perfect combination.

After we rolled ourselves out of Schwartz's we hopped back on the Metro and headed toward the Biodome at Olympic Park (1976 Summer Olympics).

The Biodome is indoor (dome? get it) and features four different ecosystems - tropical forest, arctic, North American forest and marine.

The animals in each ecosystem weren't caged and co-habitated as they naturally would. Except this guy.  

I liked the penguins so much I bought a Christmas ornament of one. I'm cool like that. Plus, my Christmas tree needs all the help it can get.

Next we took the Metro into Old Montreal. It was quiet and quaint with old buildings, cobblestone roads and carriage rides.

At that point our feet were aching and we needed a drink to calm down after the mob of elementary school children that was the Biodome.

Clearly TC was enjoying his beer and got a little cross eyed. 

Side note: Seriously, how does he do that? Why can't I cross my eyes? Genetic defect. Thanks, Mom.

Good times. If you have never been to Montreal and get the chance, definitely make the trip. It's just across the border from New York and Vermont. If it hadn't been such a beautiful day and if I had my passport, I just may have made a run for it.

Kidding! Seriously, I'm kidding.