Top 10 Reasons I Have the Coolest Mom Ever

I mean the top 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20 reasons.

20. Because she gave birth to me...the cutest kid ever. As you can see. My hair stuck straight up and she called it 'happy hair.' (The wind must have been blowing it down in this photo.)

19. I got in a...ummmm...scuffle....in high school (there were many) and she stood up to my opposition's mother in the middle of the grocery store. I heard she made quite the scene. And on that particular occasion I was in the right. Thank God.

18. She cheered so obnoxiously at my kiddie soccer games that I had to tell her to "pipe down, woman!" and "find another kid to yell at and leave me alone!" She was just trying to help.

17. When I was in kindergarden I pushed a little boy. I couldn't help it. He cut in the lunch line. She and I were called into the principal's office and my mom told her that she was lucky I didn't punch him.

16. The night before I was to be initiated into my sorority I realized I had forgotten my beloved pearls at home, three hours away. She drove the whole way up to Tennessee just to deliver my pearl necklace. She didn't even get out of the car to stretch her legs. She gave me my pearls, glared at me, then hugged me through the window and drove back to Hotlanta. That's love...and a little bit of desperation.

15. I am almost 30 years old and she still sends me care packages. Complete with t-shirts, candy, flip-flops, necklaces and other random stuff. And there is always, always, a theme.

14. She's kind of a big deal. She's pretty much famous for her chocolate chip cookies. She used to make them for my grumpy landlord so he wouldn't hate me for all my earrings. There were only seven in one ear (now, sadly, just two).

13. I'm kind of famous for coming up with grand plans. Once, I decided to take a semester off school and backpack Australia. My parents agreed as long as I didn't expect any financial help from them. Behind my back they were rolling their eyes and my mom was saying, "I've heard the wind blow before. She's not going anywhere, let's not worry." The day classes started that next semester I was sitting at home and she asked (trying to keep a straight face) if classes were starting soon. Like she wasn't fully aware that they started 4 hours and 16 minutes ago. I told her they were starting but I was going to Australia. Then she asked if I had bought a plane ticket and when, exactly, was I leaving (again, with the straight face). I told her I didn't know...but I was going to be going at some point. She did her best not to laugh, but didn't say a word. I eventually went...a month and half later. 

12. She was the PTA president of my elementary school. I'm pretty sure that is the equivalent of saint-hood.

11. Without flinching, she threw the best wedding for me and The Canadian. All that work, just to ship her daughter off to another country with some guy she's met twice. (Note: I'd known, and met, The Canadian more than twice. It was just hard to make everyone's schedule work.)

10. She didn't, although she absolutely-with-out-a-doubt-100% should have, returned my sister and asked for a new one. She stuck it out. I guess it worked out in the end.

9. She's survived the last 30 years surrounded by a super ADD/ADHD family and she's not afflicted with our disease. Again, saint-hood.

8. The photo at the top? That was the last time anyone saw her actual natural hair color. Circa 1982.

7. She used to wear Laura Ashley smocks/dresses exclusively. She traded them in for Christian Louboutins.

6. When I was born my dad worked for a little typewriter company and my mom was a nurse. My dad, the sap, couldn't handle dropping me off at day care. It was his job since he left for work later than my mom. She selflessly quit her job to stay home with me so I would be free to build forts, design snake-hunting hats and play in red ant hills...and so my dad wouldn't be a wreck everyday. The sap.

5. After graduation from the University of Iowa she high-tailed it to Los Angeles to live out her dream of being a California Girl. *giggle, giggle*

4. She lived with my dad before they were married. She was soooooo ahead of her time.

3. Nowadays, she's a genius with a checkbook. But back in the day my dad had to put an extra $25 in her checking account to cushion her lack of budgetary knowledge. (Note: she swears this isn't true.)

2. Because she loves me...and that is no small feat. Ask anyone.

1. Because she is GOING TO HAVE A COME TO JESUS MEETING WITH BREAST CANCER AND KNOCK IT INTO NEXT WEEK! hmph. roar. grrrr. 

Now everyone get the hell out of her way!