The Biggest Lobster of All Time.

Tonight I left the gym and headed next door to the grocery store to pick up fresh salmon for dinner.

I walked through the produce section back towards the seafood counter. Now, usually I grab salmon out of the freezer that sits in front of the counter, but tonight it was empty. On a whim, I walked up to the actual counter and looked through the glass in hopes of finding some salmon. The nice fish butcher lady came to the counter and asked what I would like.

As she wrapped up two salmon steaks for me I noticed a monk fish laying across the ice. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He was sooooo gross. Who buys that?

I kept looking across the fish on ice and eventually noticed the lobster tank.

I know lobster tanks are a fairly normal sighting in a grocery store. Especially here in New Brunswick. We're like the lobster capital of the world.

At first I only noticed the normal size lobsters in the top of the tank. But then. Then I noticed the beast lobsters in the bottom of the tank. I mean, mutant-gigantor-dinosaur sized lobster.

"Oh my god, are those real?" I asked.

"Yes," the nice fish lady replied.

"Are they really that big? How big is that thing?"

"Oh, twenty pounds or so."

"How much does that thing cost?"

"$200, I guess."

"Are you kidding? Do people buy that?"

"I sure hope so."

"How do you get it out of the tank?"

"With my hands."

"Does it bite? Are you scared?"

"Nooooo."

"Do you put it in a box?"

"Well its about two feet long so it won't fit in a baggie."

"How long does it live in there?"

"A few months, hopefully."

"Is it wild? I mean, is it from the ocean or like a lobster farm?"

"Ummm, its from New Brunswick...in the ocean."

"Like the Atlantic Ocean?"

"Ummm, yeah."


Oh my god. Someone stop me. I couldn't believe I was still talking. Diarrhea of the mouth.

But I went on...


"I'm sorry to stare," I said, "I'm from Florida and am not used to lobster."


Yes, because there is clearly no seafood in Florida. What?! Dear Lord, put me out of my misery!

I'm a blubbering idiot.


"Okay, have a good night," she laughed as she handed me the salmon.


I shouldn't be allowed out in public.


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Workout: Cardio - ran 2 miles (per training plan), 30 min. on elliptical; Class - Body Pump, 60 min.