Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Marissa Big Teeth.

My sister has an Indian name. Marissa Tiny Teeth.

Side note: Is it politically incorrect to use the term "Indian name?"

It's true. She has tiny teeth. Remember the gum, Chicklets? That's what her teeth look like.

It's not really noticeable because she has such a great smile but I guess we all have our insecurities and things that we wish we could change.

Lucky for her, tooth size can be changed. Did you know that? It's not something I think about very often, but I guess I had heard somewhere that it was possible.

So the other day she booked herself an appointment with a cosmetic dentist to have her shall I say...enlarged.

We got the the dentist's office, a pretty swanky place actually.

Marissa filled out some paper work and I promptly left her ass and went to Starbucks, like the good sister that I am.

An hour later she came out with a new Indian name: Marissa Big Teeth.

While she was back there, and I was sipping my coffee in the waiting room, the dentist x-rayed her teeth, gave her a million numbing shots in her gums and then took a laser and cut back her gums to reveal more tooth with perfectly arched gums. She swears she felt no pain and only smelled the faint scent of her flesh burning. Her gums burning!

I shutter at the thought.

When we got home her mouth was still numb. The dentist told her to drink cold water to help with swelling. Let's just say that didn't go well. It was, however, hysterical to watch her drool the water all over herself. The water would go in her mouth and then spill right back out. Definitely the highlight of my day.

Now, the photo I'm about to show you is a little gory. It's not bad, it's just a little vampire-ish.

New Indian name: Marissa Bloody Teeth.

Instead of drinking coffee, perhaps I should have been thanking God for giving me normal sized teeth.

Recap. Here's the before and after of the four teeth she had work done on.

Makes me want to vom.

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