Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Blue Phones

Disclaimer: Blue references the emotional state of my telephone and the tint I used on the photos. I was feeling experimental.

One of the biggest differences between the south and Canada is the phone situation.

I haven't had an phone attached to my home since I was a freshman in college (translation: Year 1 University). By sophomore year, land line phones were a thing of the past. Since those days I, as all other Americans, have become attached to my BlackBerry or other smartphone.

I'm happy to report that I am a proud owner of the newest iPhone 4. Not that it matters, no one calls it. Let alone sends me text messages. Why? Because everyone calls the house phone!

There are three phones (not including my iPhone) in our house. Phone #1 is a cordless phone in the bedroom. It only rings, you can't actually talk on it. Phone #2 is another cordless phone in the living room. Does anyone still have two cordless phones? Raise your hand. It only sort-of-kind-of works. The battery life on it is non-existent. And the best part; in order to answer you have to hold down the 'talk' button for no less than 30 seconds....which means the answering machine (note: not voice mail) usually picks up first. The same is true for hanging up. Really convenient when you're trying to hang up on some solicitor.

Tonight I talked to my dear friend Sally on the cordless (I can't believe I have to clarify what phone I was on). The end of the conversation went something like this:

My phone is beeping at me, I've got to go before it dies.

Your phone sucks.

I know.

Okay, I'll talk to you later.

Okay, peace out homie.




dial tone....

more silence while I continue holding down the off button....silence....dial tone.

Click. Finally!

I ask you, when was the last time you heard a dial tone? 

The third, and final, phone is this beauty.

It has a nice, long cord so you can walk around the kitchen. I remember asking for a new, longer cord for my clear, see-through phone when I was 12 so I could walk around my room. That was a cool phone. Not at all like this one. You'll notice it has the emblem of the phone company because it came with the phone installation package way back in 1954.

It was the only 100% working phone in the house. I know, I know, its attached to a wall. But, you'll note it is not only the only fully functional phone, it is the only one with caller ID (and that's a recent addition to the phone bill). Therefore, it is the only phone I'll answer. I don't know how to answer a phone without knowing who is on the line.

I was chatting with my dear mother today about...well, nothing. I walked across the room, forgetting I was attached to the wall (honestly, who has time for such trivial things?), and BAM! SNAP! Out of the wall it came.

Now remember, I live in a 100+ year old house. The walls are plaster. Really fun to patch.

I don't know why it happened. I didn't stretch the cord that far.

But there it precariously hung. I couldn't just set it on the counter because it is wired directly into the depths of the plaster! 

Really, there isn't even the clear coated wire with the funny little snap end. Well, at least not that I could see.

This is NOT my fault. I will not take the blame!

Where can I buy a new phone? WalMart? I don't even know...

No comments:

Post a Comment