Sunday, January 9, 2011

Atlanta: The Georgia Aquarium

It's a good thing The Canadian and I decided to act like tourists over our holiday in Atlanta because I have a confession - after five years of its existence I had never been to the Georgia Aquarium. I know, I know, it's the biggest aquarium in the world. And it has beluga whales. And it has a tank that is also a tunnel. I need to get out more.

We waited for two hours to get in. Granted we spent those hours checking out the Coke store and playing in the park, but I could have sat on a bench all by my lonesome and it would have still been totally worth the wait. Someone, whoever's brainchild this was, did the aquarium the right way. It was amazing. It had six major exhibits, an IMAX, a fantastic ballroom, and enough fish to make all the world's cats happy.

Of the thousands of species there, I could name maybe four. But that is beside the point. I was too busy drooling and cursing myself for not becoming a marine biologist. It would have been so much more productive than my microbiologist status. It's that whole dislike of salt water thing that deterred me. And that whole fear of fish phenomenon. I can't help it! In 5th grade my gold fish bit me. I swear its true. It left a welt on my thumb.

Anywhoo...the creatures were amazing. If only they could talk...

 Baby Beluga in the deep blue sea...

Swim so wild and they swim so free... (sing along!)

Pass me the tanning oil, honey.

Can you get me out of here, man? I'm a good guy, I swear.

Get a room! For crying out loud, there are children here! 

Okay, I'm sure that's not what they would say, but that's what I said!

 Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!

Huh? What? What happened? What's going on? Where am I? Who are you?!

Keep movin', lady. Don't make me give you the stink eye.

Hey. Come on over, little girl. I won't bite. I'll just stick a huge barb through your chest. It won't hurt a bit. Promise.

Alright, who wants to be dessert?

Move. Punk.

Let's play hide and go seek. I'll hide.

Hey, doc. I'm having a rough day. You got some Zoloft for me?

Pale is in. Don't you read US Weekly? Haven't you people ever heard of melanoma? For God's sake.

Why can't I catch a break?

Insert: The Little Mermaid theme song with Ariel...

Whoa, dude...wanna come to a party? It's going to be groovy, man.

I'm telling you, they spoke to me.

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